By Laureen Pressoir
WHAT’S LOVE ?
And there she goes again with all the right and wrong questions because she really means it when she says “I have no clue.”
Love…That four-letter word I don’t know anything about except for what I share with my friends and family. I know. I know. It’s obviously not the same thing. I’m just saying I have no clue what it means and how it feels to be in love. I can’t take the wise yet questionable words”it isn’t the right time” as an excuse. If I’ve learned anything about life in general is that it’s never the right time for anything. There is no such thing as timing. We are not exactly bound to be ready for blessings. And finding love is one, I believe…
I jokingly call myself a hopeless romantic, a very unlucky chick with man repelling expertise. By that, I’m not serious, I’m taking it lightly as I only mean to laugh at a situation that happens to be my current relationship status.I’ll be the first to answer if you ask me all about the benefits of singlehood and with no reservations, will I tell you how I like to call myself independent.I know I’m not the only one, but this idea of waiting and patiently expecting is overrated and quite frankly irritating. I’m not saying I want it all right now. I’m not saying that life is unfair. I’m just saying that I wished I’d be able to live my life accordingly to my own rhythm and not feel that I’m missing out on something because most people don’t seem to understand my single-girl-enthusiasm for taking things as they are and not pushing myself in a chase for affection.
Why can’t I just say “I don’t do relationships, yes, I’ve been single for quite some time” without having people calling me negative and pessimistic? It’s one way or the other. It’s either I choose to have faith in love or I don’t. But in reality, it’s not that I’m completely opposed to the idea, I’m just not thinking about it. I decided, not so while ago, to simply live for tomorrow, wishful thinking, contemplating all possibilities. There is no need to be constantly ready to make room for love.
The only thing is, I’m kinda paying the price for taking this detour with no indications : I have so many questions and I’m not exactly the smoothest flirt in the game. Although it’s very sweet and dreamy, romance is also a tiny bit scary : I get uncomfortable real fast, I lose my cool instantly and I’m back to the start, doubting me… asking myself it’s this really changing me? Why do I feel so vulnerable all of a sudden? Maybe it’s just in my head. But, wait… Why the hell am I sweating and stuttering like I used to in 8th grade? It’s only recently that I realized that for so long, I’ve been asking myself the wrong ones. I’ve lost sight of the most important thing : working on myself. I was too busy blaming guy Z for this and guy X for that. Should have known I had more impact on myself that I thought than some of the brief encounters I had with some people.
But talking about it won’t fix the problem. My issue is more with learning how to accept things I can’t change and how to love myself, as I am, everyday, because there is no logic in focusing on what we don’t have rather than looking at the things that set you apart. All this to say, your relationship status, your sexuality, and your physique don’t define who you are. Your personality, your charisma, your energy and your ability to make a difference in your own life and in the lives of others do.